People often say much about the almost legendary bond between mothers and children. However, not all relationships are equal, as this reader shows, with her somewhat tragic story. This woman feels that too much time has passed and things between her and her daughter may never go back to the way they once were. Also, she’s distrustful of why the daughter wants to get in touch with her.
“I am in my 60s now, divorced, with two grown-up kids. I also have end-stage can:cer.”
My son is close to me and is happily married. My daughter and I are estranged, and haven’t spoken in 15 years. I don’t blame her, I had an af-fair and broke the family. Although I was in an unhappy marriage, that does not justify it, and I still regret it to this day. He was my boss, the affair went nowhere, and we called it off shortly after.
I felt guilty about it all and didn’t want it to remain a secret. I confessed everything to my husband and children. At the time, my daughter was 15 and my son 10. Things went downhill from there.
My husband lashed out and said horrible things about me, and my daughter was even more vicious with her words. From the beginning, she was closer to her dad than me, and this was the final straw. We filed for divorce, and my daughter decided she wanted to stay with her father, while my son wanted to live with me.
“The distance between me and my daughter kept growing.”
She refused to talk to me even when we met. I pleaded for forgiveness, but it’s like she simply couldn’t stand me anymore. When she turned 18, my daughter cut me out of her life forever. I cried and begged, but nothing worked. Even then, I kept trying to reconnect with her for years before I gave up. When my son turned 18, we moved states.
Years have passed and though the aching sadness is there, I am at peace now. I am retired and share a wonderful relationship with my son and, even more, with my daughter-in-law. They have two beautiful kids, and I admit it, I spoil them. I did well in my career and retired rich, so I can afford to spend time with them, take them on trips and buy them presents.
I wasn’t invited to my daughter’s wedding but even so, I always tried to reach out, sending letters, holiday cards, and gifts for my granddaughter. The letters and cards were returned, but the gifts were not.
“Out of the blue, I get a call.”
For illustrative purposes only.
It was my daughter, crying and pleading with me to forgive her on the phone. She repeatedly apologized for cutting off contact, and begged for my forgiveness. She even confessed that her daughter had often asked about me, knowing about me from her cousins and uncle (my son). I was happy to hear from her, of course, but the timing is a little strange for me.
My son knows, and I think he told her about end-stage ca-nc:er. We have made peace with it and I have already made my will, and left most of my wealth to my son and his children. I have made a college fund from my daughter’s child as well, but only I know about it. While it sounds awful, I’m afraid my daughter might be more interested in my money.
“I’m not sure if she genuinely wants to reconnect with me.”
Given the timing, could it be that she is interested in a reunion only because of my will? Is she looking for redemption, or just money? I am of course willing to meet with her and my granddaughter, but is this actual love for me?
To be honest, even my son is a little unsure, although he tells me he’s sure that my daughter genuinely wants to spend time with me. I’m heartbroken to say that I just can’t trust my daughter, because I hardly know her now. Am I wrong? What should I do?
